Path of Expectation by Sarah Miller
September 24th, 2018
Over the last few months I have rediscovered my love of the outdoors and hiking. I am mesmerized by the beauty and strength of the trees and their leaves. I find myself captivated by the different ways they look during changing seasons. I love the way water dances over the rocks and how the smell of a fresh stream will bring so many different, far off memories to the front of my mind. I find myself full of excited expectation waiting for the next look-out point or picturesque view that I get to gaze at along the way. My heart becomes more alive with each step I take (this goes beyond the fact that it is beating for everything it is worth just to help me haul myself up the mountain). I will excitedly point out all the different “pretty” things along the way and my children will just laugh and jokingly roll their eyes because mom is “freaking out about the trees again”. But, it all brings me a deep joy; one that goes to my core. I love the beauty and adventure. I love not knowing which way the path ahead is going to turn and what is going to be just up around the bend. I love the anticipation of new and exciting things and I love how free my heart feels…
During the last few years the Lord has brought my family and I through many life changes. Some changes have been easy and some have been hard, yet I have felt His grace and faithfulness in them all. One of the larger changes we recently walked through was when the Lord asked us to move. This wasn’t our plan or idea; this was all Him! We weren’t looking for this type of turn to our lives, we didn’t understand its necessity at all, but we knew that not moving would be disobedience so we went. We left our organized, clean, “neighborhood” home of ten years and moved into a neglected, unloved, rural farmhouse out on a few acres of property. We were surprised by this but He wasn’t. He knew it was time for a shift in life and shift we did!
We have spent the last two and a half years cleaning, repairing, restoring and putting new life back into this home. We have had literal blood, sweat and tears on the floors of this house and there are crazy stories that were born in every room. This wasn’t the easy process that we originally envisioned with starry eyes and “Fixer Upper” ideals. This was hard work and “camping” in my house for over two years with three children definitely added to my grey hair count! However, through the process, we learned so much about who we were and who we were made to be. We learned to trust Him with each and every tangible decision and idea that we dreamed up and saw Him work miracles with our finances and plans. We learned to listen quickly when He said no and to be amazed at gifts like a huge truckload of “real live shiplap” a friend had just pulled out of her home. We learned that hard things take longer then all of our well laid plans anticipate and that this was all about so much more then a change of location.
Slowly, over time, we discovered this move was about a change in our hearts. It was about what the Lord needed to work into and out of our core beings. This was about growth, healing, restoration and change; not what was physically happening in this house. We can now look back and see that this was all a part of what the Lord was doing to prepare us for the next season of ministry that we were going to be walking into. He knew that we couldn’t see everything we needed to see or learn everything that we needed to learn if we had walked straight into more ministry from where we had been living. We didn’t know what we didn’t know and we didn’t know we were stuck.
Now, I would love to say that I embraced each and every challenge that we faced with huge faith and complete contentment but that would NOT be an accurate picture. We had more then our fair share of “woe is me” moments and a few complete freak outs (ie mold, old unknown fire damage and RATS!!!!!). But, as we kept walking we kept seeing His amazing grace come in and give us wisdom and help and our faith continued to grow. About halfway through this project we recognized that we had experienced a major change in our attitude. We would notice that we would find ourselves waiting and excited for His next answer and what He had coming next. We knew that whatever He had would be so much better then our plans and it honestly became really fun! We began to anticipate and expect Him to surprise us. We loosened our grip and began to trust Him completely. As we did, this project became more and more enjoyable and our relationship with the Lord more free. It was beautiful.
Our home has now been completed for about six months. We have all settled back into a new life routine; ministry, work, kids schedules, and chores quickly fill up every open space on the calendar. Initially I felt relief at this change. I was so happy to be in a “normal” life again. But slowly, over the following months, I began to feel sad and somewhat disheartened. I felt like the excitement and expectation that I experienced so frequently over those two years was beginning to fade away and I missed it desperately. I didn’t want to go back into a construction phase (wasn’t giving up a kitchen with a stove and sink again!) but I longed to be strongly anticipating Him again.
About this time He gave me a verse Psalm 37:23-24 “The Lord directs the steps of the godly. He delights in every detail of their lives. Though they stumble, they will never fall, for the Lord holds them by the hand”. He started showing me that He has paths laid out for me to take and a journey that I need to walk but that HOW I walk it will be my choice. He longs for me to run those paths with total abandon, trusting him to direct my steps and hold my hands. He wants me to look around and take in the beauty and strength of where He has me now. He wants me to remember things that He has done and the steps I have already taken that have brought me here. But he also wants me to be focused ahead with total expectation and excitement for what He has hidden around the next bend. He can’t wait to see my joy as He opens new doors and adventures in life and ministry. He delights in us and I believe it fills His heart when we delight in finding what He has waiting for us.
As I started letting these truths sink in, my attitude shifted. I became expectant again. I realized that the excitement that I felt during those years wasn’t supposed to be connected to my house project at all. It was an invitation and a sampling of what the Lord was offering me. He has a lot planned for me, even when I can’t see anything waiting around the bend. And He can’t wait to show me what is there. When I allowed that shift to settle back into my heart, my joy returned. Now, I don’t have this attitude of anticipation perfected by any means. But, now I do recognize pretty quickly when my heart is going off course and I start to let fear or disappointments slip in. And at that point I know that I need to repent and ask him to refocus my heart and refuel my anticipation for more.
Now, hiking may not be your thing and things that are unexpected and unknown may not blend in well with your personality, but it doesn’t change His desire for you. He still longs for your heart to be excited and ready for the steps that He has directed for you. He has paths and hidden look-outs just around the corner for you that He is just waiting to share with you. He has new ministries and leadership assignments for you to embark on and He has new life and vision to be infused into the assignments that you already have. He can’t wait to move forward on your journey with you and He will never let you fall! I pray that as you ask the Lord to help you feel and enjoy the anticipation of the new and exciting things He has waiting for you, your heart will feel more alive and free then it ever has before.
Sarah Miller
