Leading from the Background by Sarah Miller
September 5th, 2017
Bulletins need to be printed and folded? The nursery needs the toys cleaned and ready for the next class? Someone needs to work at the sign-up table in the foyer? VBS needs someone to help with organization and set up? For any of these or other similar situations, I am your girl! Growing up as a pastor’s kid gave me the ability to know and live the background inner workings of the church very adeptly and fluidly. I have helped set up a church of 30 in a junior high choir room and helped prepare for weekends where the services would hold more than 2000 people. I am happy, comfortable and willing to serve in many different church settings; as long as I stay in the background. I didn’t ever see a need or feel a desire to step out into a more prominent role. I was safely and quietly leading and helping in ministry and I was perfectly designed and willing to stay in that role for life – or so I thought…
A few years ago the Lord began shaking my world - and by shaking my world I mean peeling my fingers off of the many safety nets that I had placed around myself to protect my heart and my pride. He began working, quietly, in the deep places that tightly held wounds and fears that I had never allowed myself to acknowledge let alone examine or heal. He carefully and precisely pulled out those broken pieces of my heart and exchanged them for His healing touch. Although this was a very painful process, it was the closest to the Lord that I had ever felt. I craved His voice more deeply than I can express in words. His voice was my lifeline and what helped me out of bed and off of the floor every day. One day when I was in a very dark spot spending time with Him, He gave me a promise in the form of a verse. John 13:7 “You do not realize now what I am doing, but later you will understand.” As much as I was hurting, I began to feel hope. I instantly knew that this was all part of a plan and that I had an assignment. I knew that He was intentional and loving in His ways and that someday I would understand. After a period of months, I began to crawl out of the hole I had been living in and back into regular life. However, I quickly discovered that I was not the same person that I had been just a few months earlier. I had healed and changed so much that I honestly wasn’t exactly sure who I had become at this point.
Unsure of what else to do at this point I began to try to push back into the life that I had led before. I jumped into background ministry life, being a mom and wife and working as a nurse. I attempted to push my way into all of the places that I had previously felt safe. However, I was very surprised that I didn’t really fit anymore. I felt very lost and confused but I slowly began to recognize that I was hearing the Lord say that He wanted me for more. He had plans for me that were going to shake my world up, again, but this time on the outside for His plans and glory. He spoke to me very clearly about the calling He had for me and the plans that He had laid out for me even before I existed. He was going to take the deep dark wounds that I had experienced and that He had healed and turn them into something beautiful. He wanted to me to sing and speak for Him, out loud, in front of other people. He had plans to push me out of the background. These plans were not my plans – they were honestly completely opposite of who I was and what I wanted from ministry life. I was petrified. But in those deep dark moments, I had learned to trust Him so deeply and love Him so completely that I couldn’t say no. I didn’t understand it but I would obey - I just wasn’t sure how.
Now I would love to say that I have run into this new season with total abandon and completely, freely embraced everything He has for me to do. But anyone who knows me knows that is not the complete truth. I definitely have good days where I feel His freedom and I am brave and bold. I also have days I feel completely unqualified and I want to run and hide under the covers until this whole idea of the spotlight goes away. Yet He shows up every time and quietly talks to me about trusting Him with the outcome. He gently keeps pulling me from the background out towards His plan. He gives me new hope and small glimpses of things that are to come that I will understand later. He reminds me of His perfect love and how it drives out fear (1 John 4:18). During these times I often picture the classic movie scene where there is a beautiful stage and an audience waiting for the show to begin. The curtain rises with great anticipation but the stage is empty. Eventually, a child timidly walks out into the middle of the stage, sees the crowd and freezes. After a few moments of awkward silence comes the beautiful moment where the child finds their parents' loving eyes, their heart settles and they find the courage to begin to play their part. Then I remember that no matter how and where I step out, He is always watching me, encouraging me and is so excited for me to play the part He has designed for me and I begin again to walk out what He has for me.
We all play ministry roles in the background whether we also live in the spotlight or not. We all have places that we would rather not step into for one very good reason or another. However, those small parts that He has placed in your heart that seem too far out to go to or the parts that require you to cross too many comfort zones may be the exact place that He has designed for you to flourish. I would like to encourage you today to ask Him to clearly show you where He needs you to step into the spotlight. Write it down, pray over it, open your heart to it, and when He gives you the signal, RUN onto the new stage that He has for you because His eyes will be on you and someday you too will understand what He is doing!
Sarah Miller
